she was so not down for the gang bang
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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