i was rollin on her like bob the builder
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
