dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Your penis caused this!
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