I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
