I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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