Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
