If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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