Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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