So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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