Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize