Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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