Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize