is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
