Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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