So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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