you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
