before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
