I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
