she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
