did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
