So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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