Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
