My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
