I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
