? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
