Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
