jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize