It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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