so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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