I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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