I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
