Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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