Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
