Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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