I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize