You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
sarcasm needs its own font
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
