Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
