He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
