i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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