i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
