I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
