Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
