how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The Olympian is in my bed
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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