You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
