It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
