Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This baby is an asshole
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
