i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
