also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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