i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
