He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
