were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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