I want to make a zoo with you.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
