it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
