No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
