he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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