I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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