There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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