we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
