Yo dont text me then not text me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
