I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
