5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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