I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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