Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
