I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
