Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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