i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
